see, my god is about frustrating the CRAP out of me ... for good, i swear!! :) take for instance, what he is doing with my life at the moment. i had been a student of the most amazing college ever: moody bible institute. i absolutely loved it! last semester, i got the utter privilege to study abroad in belfast, northern ireland with a group of my fellow moody students and it was there that jesus started to rock my perfect little boat. see, i am a woman who LOVES her planner and phone wayy too much. i like to know exactly what time and where i am supposed to be at all times and i like to know where i am going to be in the next week, month, year ... just so that i can fully prepare myself. sound familiar to anyone? well, in ireland, he started planting little seeds in my mind that i was holding onto my issue with timing and planning a little to tightly and that i should prepare to let it go. i didn't think he was serious. silly, silly sarah. to make a very long story short, i am now not at moody but instead a teller with First Merit Bank. random, right?!? there is more ... i now am not saving all my hard earned money to return to school by living at home rent free (and with a free meal plan), instead i am living in akron in my first apartment with two amazing girls. so (just to make sure you are catching all of the irony here) i now am using my whole paycheck towards rent, food, utilities, etc and am now able to save only about 10% of it for school. soooo the grand conclusion is, it is going to take god and only god that is able to get me back to school. isn't that totally him??!
with that last long paragraph in mind, i now return to my first topic i proposed, the struggle life is & why i am starting this blog in the first place. if we as christians are determined to follow after christ with everyone we have, we have to be ready to struggle and fight for him just as hard as he has fought for us. it will not be fun and it will not be over quickly. but the reward will be spectacular and totally worth it in the end. see, right now in my life, i am in a place that i never thought i would be. the only way i can move forward is if i totally throw my everything in god's arms and hold on tight with all i got. i will only move forward and grow if i can fully realize that my plan is not god's plan and it never will be. he always knows best and i don't. i don't even know myself half as well as i think i do. the only way that i can move forward is if i embrace and desire this "desert" that i am in and get to the point where that is where i long to be ...
see, the desert that i am referring too is found in hosea 2:14 and that is exactly what god is doing with my life right now. i am in a desert and am thirsty and hungry and am longing for things to help me get through it. but that is not what god wants. see god is with me in this desert and he is longing passionately for me. he is "speaking softly and tenderly" to me. and me? oh i am just missing it all, because i am SO friggin' focused on trying to find something that will satisfy me. and ya know, he is right next to me, longing for me to love him as much as he loves me.
my god is so faithful, so good, so perfect to me i can't even begin to fathom it. i just have to trust and believe and pray that my heart stays in his hands. i pray that these days, these months, maybe even these years that i am in this desert are the best days, months, and years of my life. i pray that the struggles and the pain and the tears that i go through refine me so that at the end of my time, i can't see sarah but i can only see Him.
feel free to take this journey with me or just read about me. either way, He wants you to have a desert of your own. it won't look like mine, though .... but have fun reading. :)
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